My Identity as a Christian with Cerebral Palsy-Part Two

Welcome back to Part Two of My Identity as a Christian with Cerebral Palsy. If you haven’t read Part One yet,I encourage you to as it will provide some background information on how my relationship with religion came to be. I had an overcomer mindset, where I viewed my cerebral palsy as something to spite, and I let it define me…up until a recent weekend away that forever changed the way I view my cerebral palsy, and why God gave it to me. At the end of October 2024, my church took our yearly retreat for 18-24 year olds. We go to a retreat center that has no cell service, hear a few sermons all centered around a main theme, and get solitude time, where we are given prompts and are encouraged to go out in nature alone and spend time in prayer and reflection. The theme of the weekend was “Who do You (God) say I am?” and the central scripture that was focused on was Matthew 16:15-18, which tells the story of Jesus’ disciple, Peter, and how his life was changed when he got his identity from God. 

I went into the weekend not knowing how God was going to move within me, but I was hopeful that He was going to show up significantly. We had our first session of solitude on Saturday morning, after previously hearing two sermons, the first one being focused on how we viewed God, and the second focused on who God says He is in the Bible. At this point, I was expectant for how God would move when I didn’t have any distractions, but I still didn’t know what God wanted to say to me. One of the prompts that we were given was: “What feelings arise when you think about being ‘fearfully and wonderfully made’ (Psalm 139:14)? How do you see yourself through that lens?” 

Immediately upon reading this question, my gut reaction was confusion. Because of my CP, I didn’t feel “fearfully and wonderfully made,” I felt imperfect, broken, and not good enough. Throughout the next hour of sitting alone, with God and my thoughts, I did a lot of crying and a lot of praying. This was the first time I had really confronted my cerebral palsy through the lens of Christianity. I found myself asking God why He gave me such a difficult start to life and why He gave me cerebral palsy. I questioned whether or not that was God’s doing. I asked God if He had made a mistake when He gave me CP. 

 I wrestled with these questions, and I felt God telling me that He has a purpose for me, and that I’m on this Earth for a reason. But, I still didn’t have all of the answers to my questions. I went to one of the church staff members, who is also a great friend of mine, and asked her for prayer. We talked and prayed together for a solid hour.  During that prayer time, through my friend’s words, God showed me that my cerebral palsy is not a mistake. Hearing those words from someone who is not a family member was an emotional moment for me. This hour was a pivotal point in my weekend because God showed me not only how He can use other people to share His truth about us, but that He does not make mistakes. 

Later that evening, we had one more sermon. This one was focused on the central question: ‘Who does God say that we are?’ During part of the message, our pastor read us the book You Are Special by Max Lucado, which tells the story of a wooden boy, Punchinello and his friend Lucia. In the beginning of the story, Punchinello is given gray dots, for being imperfect, and for doing things wrong. Other wooden people are given gold stars for their work, and their perfect paint jobs. Punchinello then meets Lucia, who has no dots or stars. Her dots and stars fall off every time she gets one. Punchinello is intrigued by this, and Lucia encourages him to spend time with his creator to learn how he was truly created to be, and how his identity was found not in gray dots or gold stars, but in what his creator says about him. 

My pastor then went to the story of Adam and Eve, and explained that once they had eaten the forbidden fruit, and sinned, they were afraid. He explained that their fear came from their identity in their sin, instead of from Christ, and then asked us: “Where does your identity come from?” 

This question brought me right back to the same questions I was wrestling with that morning, about how I view my CP as a part of me, and how there are times in life that I let it define me. As the sermon transitioned into worship, I rolled the question around in my head. I realized that there are times where I allow my cerebral palsy to define me. When I let it define me, feelings of being inadequate, broken, and not good enough bubble to the surface. Coming to that realization, I felt the urge to seek prayer on the topic one last time before the end of the weekend. I went to my pastor and one of the church volunteers, and asked if they would pray for me, specifically about my identity as a Christian with a disability. This prayer was another pivotal moment for me, in which I received a prayer that I will remember forever. The truth that was prayed over me is the reason why I’m writing this blog post.

So that others living with cerebral palsy, who may doubt God, question why He gave you CP, or wonder where your identity comes from, can know the truth that I was reminded of. That truth is this: God created you exactly how He intended, cerebral palsy included. Your identity is not found in what the world says about you. It is not found in what you say about yourself on your worst days. The truth about you comes from what Jesus says about you. Jesus says that you are made in His image (Genesis 1:27 ESV), fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14 ESV), and that you are not a mistake, all your days “were written in your book and planned before a single one of them began”(Psalm 139:16 CSB).

If you want to connect with Cassidy, you can find her on Instagram.