Dating With a Disability
Happy Valentine’s Day, Disability Download Readers! ! In the spirit of Valentine’s Day, I thought that this month would be a good time to discuss a topic that I know has been requested many in our community…dating and relationships with cerebral palsy.
As a single young adult, I’m no stranger to the world of dating with CP. Having CP definitely adds an extra element into the already tricky world of dating. I will preface this by saying that I am writing from my own personal experiences, and much like how cerebral palsy affects each of us differently, how we approach our CP when it comes to dating is going to look different as well. Regardless of your approach, I’m hoping that this blog will be helpful in showing you that you are not alone in this!
I have mild spastic right hemiplegic cerebral palsy. I am very open about telling people about having CP, as I believe that it is a part of what makes me who I am. People often do not realize that I have cerebral palsy unless I tell them. This can make things complicated when dating because, rather than people knowing that I have a disability from the moment that they meet me, I have to tell them about it. Every time I meet someone new, I play the mental game of trying to figure out when to disclose my disability, or whether or not to share it at all. This can become complicated when dating because once people hear this, sometimes I am treated differently. Because of this complicated mental game, I try to avoid dating apps whenever possible. The fact that people can’t physically tell that I have cerebral palsy just by looking at me, or my picture, means that sometimes people make assumptions that I am not as capable or independent as I really am, once they find out about my CP. I would rather give people the chance to get to know me for me, cerebral palsy included, in person before making any judgements. When hiding behind a screen, people tend to be a little less forgiving in their comments, but when I tell them about my cerebral palsy in person, they tend to react a little bit nicer. This also allows people to ask questions that they may have about life with a disability in person, which I prefer. In fact, I try to encourage people to ask questions about what my life is like with CP when I first tell them about it. This gives me the ability to accurately educate them on what my day to day life with a disability is like, and how it may potentially impact aspects of dating, while also presenting them with a judgment free place to ask me any questions they may have.
Ultimately, I am a firm believer that the person who you are meant to spend the rest of your life with is someone who will love you for who you are, including your cerebral palsy. If you are in a similar situation as myself and have to make the decision to tell others about your disability when dating, I would encourage you to be open about it early on. Your cerebral palsy is a part of your life, and is a part of what makes you who you are, so tell people about it! People who truly care about you, whether a romantic partner or a different relationship in your life, will love you exactly as you are, including your cerebral palsy. There is someone out there for all of us, and the right person will love you for you. Having cerebral palsy may have an impact on what dating and relationships look like, but it shouldn’t completely control your experience. It is a part of you, but it is not all of you, so you shouldn’t let it get in the way of putting yourself out there when dating! Put yourself out there however you prefer, whether that’s in person, through dating apps, or both, and don’t let your CP be a roadblock. Be yourself, and you will attract people who love you for who you are!
I wanted to conclude this post by reminding everyone that next month is Cerebral Palsy Awareness Month! We will be sharing a little bit more of our personal stories with CP here on the blog, and will hopefully be able to share some guest blogs as well. Stay tuned!
Want to feature your story, thoughts, and life experiences with cerebral palsy on our blog?
